Mission Impossible: Rewriting an Unscripted Life

Been a while since a more serious post came out.  Sorry about that.  Also, I may or may not have my “Ass Kicking Playlist” pumping right now so the whole “seriousness” of this might spiral into oblivion rather quickly.  To quote a complete douche canoe I unfortunately know, “Sorry, I’m not sorry.”

Fact of the matter is that I have a good 5 or 6 posts already written and saved in draft form but they all kinda suck.  Everything from nip slips and censorship to an untimely gag about the Irish Republican Army and even a post about a shift in the definition of “intelligence” is saved in draft form.  Albeit there are those of you out there who probably want to read one of them and at least one who would read each one (to my dedicated three fans/followers, thank you!), I just never posted them.  They might come out in circulation later or they might not, I don’t know.  And after reading this entire paragraph, your life has not been enlightened or anything and you have probably wasted time trying to figure out what I was saying (Though the clever  of you can probably figure out a few of the references from context clues already present).  That is beside the point.  The point is, there are good ideas and they are not here.

AAAAAAAAANNNNNDDDDDD ….. boom.  Dropping the hammer of “this post is kind of about writing.”  There is this wonderful thing called “rewriting.”  It exists so that people can go back and clean up what they put down.  With someone as scatterbrained and possibly ADD as I am, rewriting is a blessing in the form of a curse.  A trend I have found in all of my primary/initial drafts is that I pack so much in (make the joke, Eric, you know you want to) that a lot of good ideas and good points just make no sense.  Rewriting allows me to pare them out and prune everything back in order to present a sleek and fast moving story/paper/whatever.  It just takes a TON of time.  To give you an example, I spent the weekend on my second rewrite of a script and am ALMOST finished with it (and already seeing things I am going to hit in rewrite number 3… I have picked out the color of the font and everything… this is FO REEEEUUUHHHHLLLL bitches).  That’s a ton of time.  It is also something I love so in the end it all works out… I hope………..


It was here that I was going to go into this whole “WOWOMG (never go to that website… unless you are in the mood for adult hilarity!) if only we could do a rewrite in life sometimes.”  Yeah that was going to be really cool and all in depth and shit.  Not today kids.  See the whole thing about writing is that you, as the writer, always know what is about to happen.  Whether you write songs, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, scripts, etc, you always know what happens next.  Life/Reality hardly ever affords us that luxury.  One day, you could get on a bus to go to, say, Chicago, thinking that the ride is going to be completely pleasant and exciting and all of a sudden the guy in front of you has his hands down his pants and is jacking off (that was only a small part of my bus ride out to visit my Mom this past Friday).  You cannot predict that shit.  Believe it or not, the hardest thing for me is to roll with the punches and keep on with the unexpected.

The whole thing about being someone who wants to be and dreams about being a screenwriter and being a person who puts a ton of effort into trying is that at the end of the day, you still have to take a HUGE leap of faith that most of the time, won’t work out.  This is in the hope that someone sees all the hours of hard work and months of mind wracking and says, “Well I like this idea but I hate this story.  Pick him up and let him write for XYZ kids show on NICK or DISNEY.”  Huge amount of uncertainty there.  Uncertainty is not exactly something I do well with.

(Also, I’m on the bus back and thought I would share that the chick behind me just picked up her phone and answered it with “Guess what I found in my bra?”  Hopefully, my 3 followers are at least smiling at all the possibilities of what she found in her bra.)

Anyway, back to the whole unscripted nature of life.  It scares the living shit out of me to think that in a little over 365 days, I’ll be living in California, College Degree in hand, and hopefully I will have a job as a screen writer or writer’s assistant.  The whole acting like a grown up with a big boy job thing… yeah um, can I dodge this with the gay card like I used to be able to use to dodge the potential of the draft being reinstated?

At the same time, though, it is that whole Unknown that is so exciting.  The Unknowns in life have yielded so much (for example: I met my best friend completely randomly one night at a bar because we are both Chargers fans) and yet each time the big ones come up, they scare the crap out of me.  I also kinda like ‘em.  They make me feel all “alive” inside and what not.  While I don’t go seeking out opportunities to hurl myself out of an airplane (not that I would shy away from the experience), I kinda love the adrenaline surge of the Unknown.  Now, if anyone wants to have a little chat with Mr./Ms. Unknown and inform him/her that I am still single, that would be awesome, but right now, the career thing is a bit more important.

Ok battery’s about dead.  Sorry this was so completely random and everything.  If you read it, hopefully something in here made you laugh (I’ll probably plug a random meme in here somewhere to make you laugh… it is so hard to one-up the “Bombassed Pussy” one though…. And you’ve probably already seen it…. Ugh linear thinking sucks sometimes).

Peace out, Kids.  I’m heading back to Rewrite #2 (Red Font) for the last 25% of battery life.


PS… I love Mission Impossible movies and this one looks entertaining (whether or not it is “Good” remains to be seen but being entertained is almost assured).


2 responses to “Mission Impossible: Rewriting an Unscripted Life

  1. 1) Haha. Didn’t make a joke. But wanted to.
    2) I’m completely touched that you consider me your best friend…and a little scared for you.
    3) Rewrites are for wimps/real writers. I’ll never be a writer because I don’t take the time to care for my craft. I spew literary diarrhea and then forge on, leaving the mess behind for someone else to read/clean up.
    4) You’ll be incredibly successful in your writing future because you take the time and effort to perfect what you do. I write solely to get to the end of my post/punch line. You make the whole journey worth it. Big ups, playa.
    5) Lol troll quotes.

    • Anytime, broseph, and yeah if having you as my best friend is worrisome for you, then you probably think I’m totally fucked when you take everything else about me into account :-P.

      The big thing that I envy about your writing compared to mine is that you seldom have simple grammatical or elementary usage mistakes… I have a metric fuck-ton of ’em. I mash words together, go on tangents, and write dialogue how I talk, not how people actually talk.

      Thanks for the support though… God knows I need it right now. 😛

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